Nights

Nights were such a blur. I don’t think I’ve seen such questionable healthcare before in my life. It was honestly really scary, and made me uncomfortable many times. The crazy thing is… sometimes there is literally nothing you can do to remedy the situation, so you just end up laughing it off. It. Was. Not. Okay.

Starting off the 7-day stretch with R was such a blessing. Even on days when it felt like shit hit the fan, I felt like someone had my back and was supporting me through it. The first two days after that were so hard. Personality management was at an all time high. Sometimes we truly don’t get along personality wise with the people we work with, and that is ok. But, it doesn’t necessary make the experience easy. And that is ok to admit too.

As the days passed, I became more comfortable in my clinical decision making, and my own assessments. That was a huge blessing. It felt like I could take more ownership over my role instead of asking a million questions a night. But what similarly felt frustrating was feeling I was doing a large volume of work and not having the support I wanted, making me feel unsafe. It truly was a week was I was just someone’s glorified secretary.

I’m so thankful that nights are over for a while. When I see them again, my hope is that I feel more level-headed in asking for support and not feeling like every task has to be done urgently.